Broken Promises

O

As a smal girl I fantasized about getting married, having children and living a joyful happy life full of love and happiness. I trusted another human being with the most precious part of me, My heart. It was to be treasured, cherished, cared for , loved. 

My dreams were all shattered and my heart shredded. Always trying to make the most of every situation I kept a smile on my face and hopeful attitude always positive. If it wasnt working then we could fix it .Nobody saw the pain behind my eyes, nobody saw the disappointment or the dreams dying inside me year after year.Nobody  saw the hard work and struggle I put into this marriage trying to stay above water.

Domestic violence knows no boundaries. It wears down a soul till there is no more to give. Tears at the very core of who you are. Tells you that you are worthless and not good enough.tells you that you are the problem - try harder. The humiliation, guilt,deep sadness,control over my every move. Just pushing forward trying to get thru each day.

I simply couldn't live the lie that all was well. exhausting all my resources. The counselor's, the magic medication that would make him happy with me, help him not constantly yell at me and belittle me, and embarrass me. That would open his eyes to see that I was good. That I had gifts and talents and a heart of gold. No matter what I did or how hard I tried to please him, I was never good enough. Do you know what it's like living under such expectations and not ever being seen. Feeling so low and hopeless.

 I lived in the center of misery accepting, this was my life, letting go of all my dreams and hopes of a good  future, just trying to get thru each day.

All was not well. My soul was dying. ....