On Solid Ground

Back on solid ground. 

A soul at peace is worth more then all the riches of the world.

Thank You God.

Back and rested

Cozumel, Mexico

A week of bliss. I had a wonderful trip. People always talked about how great cruises were. I never knew! They are the best, most restful, enjoyable vacations ever. We were a group of 15 women. It was crazy fun. I needed that.

Health and Life

Once again on the HCG diet. 6 pounds lighter in 12 days. What I learn every time I do this diet is discipline. It's not so bad eating healthy but it gets hard to keep on track when the world offers pasta, bread,cakes and cookies. I must stay focused. I feel better when I eat good. So why do I stray off the path?

 It parallels to life. Anything good is worth working for. Relationships, jobs, life goals. Keep focused and stay close to the path, even if you stray for a while. Failure is just a rehearsal for success.

The Dance

The dance is something we all do through out our lives. Sometimes we step purposefully and other times we stumble. Graceful at times and other times clumsy. Sometimes in our lives we might feel as if we are floating through life full of joy, dancing on the clouds. and other times our feet are heavy laden and we don't feel we are moving at all. We might just need to sway through it, till we feel the beat of the music down deep, compelling us to move. If you fall its important to get up. Stay in the dance of life. Don't allow a life situation to stop the music in your heart. Keep dancing. Don't ever give up.

A Better day

We all carry things from our past into the future. As I hand these issues over to God he does two things. 1. He heals the wounds from the inside out.

2. He turns the experience into something good and useful for my future. 

I choose to take the good from the past, live fully in the present and trust God as he moves me into my future.

Happy life

Sometimes I let circumstances and people bring me down. But I have to choose to keep climbing up. Its my life, I make the choices for how I want to live it. I want to help others in life along thier journey but not at the cost of drowning. I choose to swim upstream. I will live my happy life. I deserve happy.

Fortune cookie quote

Everytime I used to eat chinese food someone once told me "Ok, what ever your fortune says is true". Well sometimes it was true and other times it did not make sense. I picked up some chinese food last week on a dreary day. Took it back to the office. After i was done, I had to read my fortune. Its just fun. It encouraged my heart and brightened my day. I do look forward to making a difference in a childs life as I continue steps to foster a child :)

Courageous heart

There are days I don't feel I am getting any closer to my goals. But I continue to dance to the rythym of my hopes and dreams. I keep the faith alive. Small things inspire me daily that push me along my way. I have this intuition that all will fall into place. Living with courage in my heart. Holding onto truth, and trusting the path I travel on.

Texas Rodeo Carnival

I took Nhi (foreign exchange student from Vietnam) to have Texas experience at the rodeo on sunday. She noticed the lovely animal smell as we entered the gate. We watched the poor sweet cows get roped by the cowboys, a cow get milked up close, an exciting dogshow, saw real owls,( creepy!)eagles and bats up close and watched baby pigs race to the finish line. She ate her first turkey leg and of course found many treasures to purchase to rememer the event. We ended the day walking through the rodeo carnival. What a nice day. An Texas experience she will never forget :)

Letting Go

I cant expect to travel light if I dont let go of some stuff.

My destination

Feeling more hopeful on my journey I have to ask myself - "where to next?" I can have a plan and move towards it, but, "life shall be what it is." 

Though I completed my fostercare classes, I am feeling compelled to slow it down. I know in my heart that I am not ready. I am still in the process of healing emotionally. I will not beat myself up about it. Whatever it takes to get there. I will use this time wisely, finding peace and joy in my journey. For what awaits for me around the bend has got to be well worth the wait.

As we all journey on our different paths we are met with obstacles. How we deal with these obstacles shapes our character and who we will be when we arrive at the destination.

Stay on the path and follow your dreams. And dont forget to take in the sights along the way. Your destination is only a small part of the acheivement. How You get there and what kind of person you are when you arrive is what matters the most.

Vintage B

A quaint store I stumbled upon this past summer. Way out in the middle of nowhere, but worth the journey. They have a unique mix of vintage treasures and up and coming fabulous one of a kind items. Love this store!

The day was cold and gloomy but once I stepped foot in here my senses were once again renewed. Took the drewry right out of my day :)

A New Day Awaits You

My pastor is doing a series called Glory Days -a fresh look at tomorrow. He says that in Ephesians 1:3 its says that God has blessed us. That we were not made to live in the wilderness. That our destiny is greater then that. He has encouraged us as a congregation to set about the task of Living out of the inheretience God has given us. He says that God  has given us everything we need, to be who he has created us to be. We have his favor. Promiseland life is ours for the taking. The last sentence of notes I took was : A New Day Awaits You. At the end of every service he has us stand to read a proclamaition. It is encouraging us to live the destiny God has promised us. It is ours for the taking.

Two stepping

A freind invited me to a two stepping class tonight. My first thought was no way! So out of my comfort zone. But after I thought it over, I decided to go. It might be fun. IT WAS.

I got the promenade , got the 1-2, 3-4, but the 5-6 was not pretty. The one thing I did master was ... The twirling!!! ( go figure) I was graceful :) but transitioning back into the dose doe.... Terrible i was terrible. But i had fun :) thats all that counts.

Invitation to Snuggle

Another cold winter morning. We got the text early this morning that work was delayed. Due to icey conitions. Yip - EE.  Let Bella boo out to potty and snuggled back to sleep. So nice and warm.

Now I dont usualy need a reason to snuggle but this weather is an "INVITATION TO SNUGGLE :) 

So, snuggle with your loved ones and your heart will stay warm!

Going My own Way

 Going my own way has not been the easiest way. The road has been rough to say the least. Finding my way through the pain, disillusionment and the sadness. But the blessing come steadily I must say. Family and friends who love and support me, a job, a church, a peaceful home. God shows me everyday that he is not only paving the path before me, but walking right beside me. He shows me in the sun that shines upon my face, the peace that dwells within my soul and the hope that springs from the faith in my heart. If I keep my eyes focused on him- I find the joy in my journey.

Though I can't see beyond the horizon and feel I am not moving at the pace I'd like to, I trust God to lead me through the desert and into the promised land.

They were loved

At 2 months old weighing 6 pounds she came with just a phone call and a few hours to prepare. Rushing out to buy a bassinet, clothes, bottles, burp clothes, pampers. So excited just to hold her. She was smothered in kisses & hugs.  She grew so fast. learned to smile, laugh, sit and eat with us at the table. Batting at her toys. Singing "Row your boat" to her as I gave her breathing treatments, crying with her when she got her immunizations. Rushing her to the hospital when she got sick. I remember her funny face when she got her first taste of baby food, her sweet smile when I called her "sugar bear!"I loved her. She wasn't mine, but I LOVED Her so much.

At 2 1/2 yrs old. Such a happy child. Independent, finding the world a wondrous place, squealing with excitement. She loved to twirl when I put music on, enjoyed our outside time with just us girls. Learned about her baby sister she never knew she had. Bonded and was protective over her.  Her favorite word was co'me. (eat in Spanish). She would say "Co'me Moma, Com'e! She loved mealtime. She learned to say please and thank you and learned how to sit at a resteraunt. Saturday morning bean and egg tacos were her favorite. So appreciative. I'd tell her mommy has a surprise. We go in her room, I'd show her each items of clothing I took out of the bag. She'd put both hands on her cheeks so excited. We'd try it on her and she would twirl. Such a girly girl. Bows in her hair every morning. She was so joyful. I loved her so.

 They won't know me, but I know them. I loved them. We loved them. I will always hold them in my heart. I will never forget holding them, loving them, watching them grow. I was part of that. Giving them a healthy start to who they will become. I pray blessing bestowed before them all the days of their lives.

Just a tribute to them as I move forward in the process to do this again. All children deserve to be loved.

Wedding photography

I was asked to be the photographer for a friends wedding. I was honored to do this. It gave me the the practice and confidence to move forward in a hobby I have always wanted to pursue.

Have to move past this

Just need to write. So many feelings. Have to get this out and be done with it.

My heart can't help whom it loves. I did love him. I miss him sometimes too. The good parts. This morning it was cold. Memories of the cold days flooded in. Beautiful snow in the early years. jumping in our clothes and running outside to take in the winter air. Bella boo so excited because we were. The excitement we both had. Feeling good together. Saturday morning breakfast, flea markets, walks in the park, snuggle buggling after a day out. Every once in a blue moon he'd bring me flowers. It made me so happy. 

But when I look back those good memories did not define our marriage. Struggle heart ache, disappointment, deep sadness,feelings of worthlessness, his anger, his rage, his hate, my misery. I realize now that I learned to live in constant state of panic never knowing what the day would hold. What would set him off that day. The crazy chaos, the yelling, the dis function, the control, my anxiety, the adrenaline helping me get through each day.

This was my reality. Only existing to get through the day.

Recently he finally took responsibility for all these bad things he did. Peace filled my soul as I heard him in detail describe the things he did to me. And he felt bad. It was healing to hear that he acknowledged it. He not only apologized but had remorse. Genuine regret for what he had done. To Me. Showing me he remembers, realizes how horrible it was for me. I didn't deserve it... I was good to him, I forgave him, I showed mercy, I tryed to help him, help us. I showed Gods love

I persevered thru it all. I loved him.

He told me many many many times he was sorry, he would change. He loved me. He would try.... For a while. Short spurts of happiness. But always ended up back at square one. Always saying ,he wants to live the peaceful life. but chaos and anger and discontentment are his friends.they follow him where ever he goes. I HAD to get off the "crazy train." Like a hamster running around in circles exerting so much energy and getting nowhere. I had to get off. So I just jumped . Into the darkness. The unknown. Knowing there would be pain as I hit the pavement running. Running for my life.

I don't hate him.  I care for him deeply.  I wish him the best. I pray he finds what he is looking for. It's just not me. This chapter is over and I don't wish to keep re-reading it. I need to move forward to write the next chapter. Please God, please. Bless him. And help me move past this.

Tomorrow

I don't know about tomorrow; I just live from day to day. I don't borrow from it's sunshine For it's skies may turn to grey. I don't worry o'er the future, For I know what Jesus said. And today I'll walk beside Him, For He knows what is ahead.  Many things about tomorrow I don't seem to understand But I know who holds tomorrow And I know who holds my hand.

Hopes and dreams

The January blues have passed. The heaviness has lifted. its a new year and possibilities are endless. Since I made the decision over a year ago to leave my life and start a new, I was afraid of the unknown. My dependence was solely on God. I had to trust him for each step. God provided for every need. He has been with me every step of the way. I have much to be thankful for. But I don't want to lose that dependence on God. I Will follow him where he leads. His hopes and dreams for me are far better than any I could dream myself.

Standing Still

Feel as if I'm standing still. Do you ever feel like the world is passing by and you are a spectator? Since the new year started, as the days pass by I don't feel I am in it. I am waking, working , and moving forward, but feel a sense of detachment. Am I here?

Changes

The other day I ran into someone who asked " where is your clan? Pretty innocent enough. But how do you answer..." I no longer have a clan anymore, it's just me." Without feeling some type of pain and emptiness.

It is almost a year now and life is completely different then the life I lived back then. Bitter sweet. I don't regret it, but I still do experience a sense of loss and pain. The emotions that came with the experience are still raw. As much as I want my life to be beautiful, "Pain" is just part of the journey to get there. All I can do is take one day at a time.

Enjoy the Ride

As a child, diaries were all the rave. Keeping my secret crushes, my hopes and dreams under lock and key. As an adult I have a New Year tradition.  At the beginning  of each new year I purchase what I call a "grateful journal".

Through out the year I focus on the good. With all of life's turns and twists,I  have to be conscious of the blessings. There is so much to be thankful for. To look back at any given year - I am amazed at all the great things that occurred that year. We can all look back and remember. - that was a tough year - But it's all the "Little ,Amazing" things that can remind us to Enjoy the Ride. Life is Amazing. Take note.

A New Year

How will I choose to show up in 2014

The past year held a lot of difficult choices for me. Lifestyle Changes, healing of my heart and the renewal of my  soul took place. The past is now behind me. The present is set before me. My future  lies ahead of me. 

Though I dont know what this new year holds, I trust Gods plan. Holding onto his truth.

I will choose to live with courage. I will show up in faith everyday, moving forward. Fulfilling my God given purpose for my life. I will show up with joy. I will show up with peace. I will show up with love :)

                                   

Merry Christmas

          Blessings to all this Christmas Eve. 

Savor the simple

I must take time to savor the simple things of this season. Though it is easy to get caught up in the shopping, rushing around preparing, I stop to savor. My eyes take in the beauty of the season - the twinkle lights, the trees, the ornaments. I sit peacefully with only the lights on my tree savoring the quite as i write. tonight I went to th river walk. It was magical. The way the strung lights hung on the trees. The cold night on my face, the warmth of my knit scarf . I am so truly thankful for the simple things. I don't want to take any of it for granted. The season is peace. The season is joy. Savor the simple.

Time Flies

Time flies by so fast. As the year is coming to an end, it makes me look back at the past year in reflection.

Did I achieve my goals? Am I closer to my dreams? Am I a better person?

I don't want to waste a minute. Life is too precious. I want to live with courage,improve with age, live in the now.

Christmas Tree Farm

As I was enjoying the hillside scenery on the way back to the office, this christmas tree  farm caught my eye. So lovely in the wide open space. Had to stop. The man proceeded to describe each tree and where they were from. Oregon. The smell  of pine filled my senses. The placement of each tree and the twinkle lights , so appealing. I didn't have the heart to tell him I was only there for a visual treat. I asked to take pictures. He did have fresh vegetables, so naturally I felt it was an even trade. A purchase for beauty before my eyes. Some people may of passed this by. Beauty compels me.

She Loves Christmas

                       

     

                         She Loves Christmas 

                                     She Loves Snow

       

          She Loves hot chocolate on a cold winter day :)

Free

I think my mantra for 2013 was to "Set myself free." Physically , emotionally &mentally. That was the goal.

 In the past, I had felt like a caged bird with a bruised heart and a broken wing. Oh how I longed to be set free. Not necessarily free of a marriage but more that I could be me again.                 Happy.Valued. Loved.

Now- I am happy to be me. I feel valued as a person and I am loved for who I am.

 Today I am soaring in the sky with the wind beneath my wings. I am truly free.

Fearless

Fear creeps in at times, paralyzing me from pushing forward. I must live without fear.  I know that God has my back - So ... I take a deep breath, close my eyes and move forward in faith, fearlessly.

Do  not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

Thankful, Grateful, Blessed

Hello Winter

If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard - 

               

Winter is a magical season. It's as if I've awaken from a long summer slumber.

             Tis the season to be aware of the tiny magic everywhere. -

Where I am

               I did not plan to be where I am. nor will I always be here. 

                 God has a plan for my life .I find comfort in knowing 

                              -  I am exactly where I need to be.

Along the path I journey on

Along the path I journey on. . . . I will stop and smell the flowers. I will see the beauty in each day. I will look for the good in every person. I will come home from a long day and smile because I have a place of solace to lay my head in. I will try new paths to marvel at. I will follow my heart and pursue  my dreams. I will spread the love I hold in my heart. I dance in the rain and skip in the brisk air. I will cherish the moments and love the life I have now. I will  make each day count and be grateful in all things. I will be still and quiet in the peaceful night and be full of joy at the rising of the sun.

                      I will stop and smell the flowers. . . . Along the path I journey on.

Worthy

Just recently I've been looking at my life with amazement. In awe of the blessings God has bestowed Before me. Almost feeling guilty and undeserving. And then this morning I read in my devotional;

This is a time of abundance in your life. Your cup runneth over with blessings. After plodding uphill for many weeks, you are now traipsing through lush meadows drenched in warm sunshine. I want you to enjoy to the full this time of ease and refreshment. I delight in providing it for you.

Sometimes my children hesitate to receive my good gifts with open hands. Feeling a false guilt Creep in, telling them they don't deserve to be richly blessed.. This is none sense thinking. Because no one deserves anything from me. My kingdom is not about earning and deserving.; it is about believing and receiving. - 

... So in conclusion. I am worthy not because I deserve it it. But I come with a grateful heart and open arms, basking in his rich blessings. I am of worth because God says so. I am a child of God.

Seasons change

The cool brisk air today was revitalizing! Cold  weather makes me feel alive. I am reminded that seasons change, making life  interesting. I can choose to mourn the past, have great regrets OR   just look back with great appreciation.  I am excited for what is just around the bend. New life is just waiting to be discovered. 

Blooming in my head :)

Routines are over rated. We need them to keep some type of order, BUT they can create stagnation and kill creativity,  putting us  in a rut.   I strive to live creatively. Letting everyday be different and new. I want to be in Awe everyday and continually allow fresh ideas to bloom in my head.

Stepping out, I realize ... There is a whole new world outside of normal :)

A life she imagined

If you are not living the life you imagined. . . . Start now :)

                        

I Am Me

My life feels good now. I am fulfilled. I am not sad or lonely. I am free and happy. I am able to be me and people like me. I have gifts and talents, I use them everyday. I am kind and caring and I am loved. I am strong, I have dreams and I follow my heart. My life does not hurt anymore and the pain is behind me. I can laugh now and feel joy in my heart. 

                                      I am free.   I am happy.   I am me :)

First Friday

A perfect evening. After a somewhat stressful two weeks, my friend and I rented a space at "First Friday," to sell our treasures. The night air was crisp and breezy. As the lights shined brightly upon our items, a steady flow of people admired and purchased. Music played in the distance Creating an ambiance to sooth a soul. We had so much fun. I was in . . . my element.

This is my life,      I am living it with passion and purpose.      All is well.