Where I am

               I did not plan to be where I am. nor will I always be here. 

                 God has a plan for my life .I find comfort in knowing 

                              -  I am exactly where I need to be.

Along the path I journey on

Along the path I journey on. . . . I will stop and smell the flowers. I will see the beauty in each day. I will look for the good in every person. I will come home from a long day and smile because I have a place of solace to lay my head in. I will try new paths to marvel at. I will follow my heart and pursue  my dreams. I will spread the love I hold in my heart. I dance in the rain and skip in the brisk air. I will cherish the moments and love the life I have now. I will  make each day count and be grateful in all things. I will be still and quiet in the peaceful night and be full of joy at the rising of the sun.

                      I will stop and smell the flowers. . . . Along the path I journey on.

Worthy

Just recently I've been looking at my life with amazement. In awe of the blessings God has bestowed Before me. Almost feeling guilty and undeserving. And then this morning I read in my devotional;

This is a time of abundance in your life. Your cup runneth over with blessings. After plodding uphill for many weeks, you are now traipsing through lush meadows drenched in warm sunshine. I want you to enjoy to the full this time of ease and refreshment. I delight in providing it for you.

Sometimes my children hesitate to receive my good gifts with open hands. Feeling a false guilt Creep in, telling them they don't deserve to be richly blessed.. This is none sense thinking. Because no one deserves anything from me. My kingdom is not about earning and deserving.; it is about believing and receiving. - 

... So in conclusion. I am worthy not because I deserve it it. But I come with a grateful heart and open arms, basking in his rich blessings. I am of worth because God says so. I am a child of God.

Seasons change

The cool brisk air today was revitalizing! Cold  weather makes me feel alive. I am reminded that seasons change, making life  interesting. I can choose to mourn the past, have great regrets OR   just look back with great appreciation.  I am excited for what is just around the bend. New life is just waiting to be discovered. 

Blooming in my head :)

Routines are over rated. We need them to keep some type of order, BUT they can create stagnation and kill creativity,  putting us  in a rut.   I strive to live creatively. Letting everyday be different and new. I want to be in Awe everyday and continually allow fresh ideas to bloom in my head.

Stepping out, I realize ... There is a whole new world outside of normal :)

A life she imagined

If you are not living the life you imagined. . . . Start now :)

                        

I Am Me

My life feels good now. I am fulfilled. I am not sad or lonely. I am free and happy. I am able to be me and people like me. I have gifts and talents, I use them everyday. I am kind and caring and I am loved. I am strong, I have dreams and I follow my heart. My life does not hurt anymore and the pain is behind me. I can laugh now and feel joy in my heart. 

                                      I am free.   I am happy.   I am me :)

First Friday

A perfect evening. After a somewhat stressful two weeks, my friend and I rented a space at "First Friday," to sell our treasures. The night air was crisp and breezy. As the lights shined brightly upon our items, a steady flow of people admired and purchased. Music played in the distance Creating an ambiance to sooth a soul. We had so much fun. I was in . . . my element.

This is my life,      I am living it with passion and purpose.      All is well.

Plan to be surprised

I love this movie. Its light hearted and romantic. Makes me laugh, makes me cry and makes me happy.                    

 Something is happening to Dan. It's confusing. It's awkward. Its family.

                                   Love the quote at the end :

         Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised.

Speak life

Raise your thoughts a little higher,

Use your words to inspire,

Joy will fall like rain,

When you speak life with the things you say.

Lift your head a little higher,

Spread the love like fire,

Hope will fall like rain,

When you speak life with the words you say.

So speak Life, speak Life.

To the deadest darkest night.

Speak life, speak Life.

When the sun won't shine and you don't know why.

Look into the eyes of the brokenhearted;

Watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope,

You speak love, you speak...Speak life. Speak life.

 -Toby Mac lyrics 

Delivered

Outside of the box

For so long I had I envisioned my life so different then the one I was living in. Dreaming of creating a life that was extraordinary. One that was not average. A life outside of the box. As God continues to lead me through this journey, new visions come flooding down all around me. I am creating a life of purpose. A life with meaning. A life that feels good.

Finding my Rhythm

Life has its own rhythm. Weather you choose to live  a stressful chaotic life or a peaceful serene life, the music goes on. I am at peace with the rhythm I have chosen for my life. My heart and mind dance with grace and gratitude, to the strum that is music to my soul.

Thankful

Just thankful for today. Today I spent the day with Nhi.  A foreign exchange student from Vietnam. We sat at Starbucks and talked bit. Met up with some friends of mine, had lunch, shopped, got massages in a massage chair, went back to my apt to meet my Bella Boo and ended the day at a barBQ I was invited to. She had such a grateful thankful heart it was refreshing. It reminded me to be present everyday and to be thankful in all things.

Words Of Wisdom

Beyond the clouds

Climbing out is no easy task

As soon as I get past the clouds, I find there is more sky and more clouds

Though the process is grueling at times, I have to keep my focus and know there is life beyond the clouds. I must keep climbing.

Wish. Hope. Dream

I  WISH  - I could speed up the restoration of my soul. 

And get on with my life. But I must wait patiently.

I   HOPE - to still be the sweet person I once was.

To let go of the sadness. And come back even stronger.

I   DREAM - of a life I have not yet lived. 

A peaceful life full of joy, love and laughter :)

My Art Therapy

This was a blast! The class was packed. We were each given a palette of paint, three brushes and a blank canvas. The instructor was somewhat witty as he gave instructions, But we were funnier as we made our own comments. The music added to the fun as we all sang the lyrics very loudly while painting. Most were drinking wine, we drank our Jamba Juice smoothy.I had the best time. Very relaxing and therapeutic.

Waiting

Nobody likes to wait. In a world where everything is convenient, instant and express, waiting is unacceptable. But sometimes taking things slow is a good thing. I think God can bring you to a point of waiting to refocus you, to speak to your heart. Though I feel I am in this line of waiting, and its uncomfortable, I know it is for my good. God has a plan for my life and he knows my heart and soul have to be strong and healthy. He is restoring me. I trust him. So I will plant my feet down firmly and wait....

Sunday morning breakfast

Part of new life changes is making healthier choices. I am trying to put good into my body as I put good into my soul. Trying to stay away from the processed food. (though chips are still a weakness)I am enjoying more veggies and fruits and finding healthy recipes on Pinterest. Just had to share my ..sunday morning breakfast...Yogurt, granola and fresh strawberries. Yum :)

Spinning

Goodness Gracious, I feel as though my world has been spinning the last couple of weeks. Busy, emotional, draining, exhausting. I do feel as though it is leading somewhere and all this hoop-la will calm down. Peace will settle and new life will lead to happiness. Just gotta get through it.

Peacefully Forward

This was an exhausting painful week. I can't believe I made it through. Though I know I made the right decision, it just feels bad to hurt another Human being. I wish only good for him as he moves forward with his life. He is in my prayers. 

I too move peacefully forward.

Thursday

Thursday is the day. The dark cloud is looming over my head. The past seven months has lead up to this day. Uncertain of what lies ahead, only that God's word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. He has lead me this far and I must trust him to guide me through the darkness into the light. Feeling a little sad. I must not worry or be anxious. Leaving all in Gods hands.

Send up a prayer ..... on Thursday.

Beauty

Leave a trail of beauty wherever you go. In the form of a kind word or deed.

Things I Love

I love New York City in th fall

I love taking the ferry over to the Statue of Liberty 

I love the crisp cold air in the winter.

I love to wear scarves, mittens and boots.

I love to snuggle buggle by a fire

 I love when my dog is happy

I love to laugh till I cry

I love to sip a cup of tea

I love the stillness of a quiet morning

I love a bouquet of pink roses

I love to watch the snow fall silently to the ground

I love to spend rainy days at the bookstore

I love pretty dresses and flowers in my hair

I love the ballet and  a flouncing tu-tu 

I love to go to the movies sharing a big tub of popcorn

I love surprises and the joy that fills my heart

I love kind words and the peace it brings my soul

I love hugs and kisses

I love lemon tartlets and  a chocolate croissants

I love the romance of Paris

I love twinkle lights at night

I love to decorate with the color white

I love a good thrift store and the hunt for a deal

I love the flea market on a Saturday morning

I love the presence of God in my heart

I love the support my family provides

I love to create beauty everywhere I go.

I love coming home at the end of the day :)

An Overcomer

You're an overcomer

Stay in the fight ‘til the final round

You're not going under

‘Cause God is holding you right now

You might be down for a moment

Feeling like it's hopeless

That's when He reminds You

That you're an overcomer

You're an overcomer

Everybody's been down

Hit the bottom, hit the ground

Oh, you're not alone

Just take a breath, don't forget

Hang on to His promises

He wants You to know

The same Man, the Great I am

The one who overcame death

Is living inside of You

So just hold tight, fix your eyes

On the one who holds your life

There's nothing He can't do

He's telling You    

You're an Overcomer....

- Overcomer- song lyrics by Mandisa

Create a beautiful story

Tonight I drove past my old house, just because I was close by. I thought I'd get anxious, maybe upset or be sad. I saw the cars in the driveway. "I used to live there," I thought. That was my porch, my driveway, my outside light. But it was strange, I didn't feel anything. That is not my life anymore. I am not that girl anymore. I am free. After all those years of struggle, heart-ache and sadness. It is just the past in my story.

We all write our own story, by the choices we make and how we choose to live. I hope you live a life that brings you joy and makes your heart sing. You only have one life. Create a beautiful story.

Keep moving

It seems odd that life doesn't just stop when we go through such tragic things in our lives. But the world doesn't wait. Life goes on. We can watch the world go by or continue to put one foot in front of the other.  So this chapter in my life did not go according to the plan. Some day I will look back and it will just be one chapter in a beautiful story. I will take the good from my experience and keep moving. Its a beautiful world out there. 

She let go

DDS

She let go of the past and all that came with it. She let go of the  pain and the sadness too. She let go of the struggle and the things she could not change. She let go of the bitterness she had held in her heart. She got up, wiped away her tears, and walked away.

She will not carry a suitcase full of regret, sorrow and self pity. Instead she will wear a necklace of dignity, strength and grace. She will carry in her heart joy and laughter for her future. And she  will walk away with peace in her soul as the sun shines upon her face.

Done

 This is such an arduous process! I WILL  get thru this ...with Gods guidance :)

After a substantial amount of no contact, I cracked a window of communication. Felt it necessary for closure. Though it did open old wounds, in the end  it brought closure....AND confirmed My decision. That was the last time I will ever allow him to hurt me. I am worthy , I am worthy, I am WORTHY ...of a man to love and respect me and put me before him. To be there for me when i fall and pick me up.  To respect and honor my differences. To hurt when I hurt and go thru great measures to help me feel better. To cherish me, encourage me and  Celebrate my accomplishments. A man who will walk by my side and help me along the journey. Not wrap his body around my legs pulling me down with him. A man who will let me be a women and Hold me when I am weak. A man with integrity who does the right thing... What ever the cost.  A man whos words MATCH his actions. A man that tells me the truth and I don't have to worry he is scamming me, as he does the world. A man who can see he is tearing me down, because he is looking at me, and not at himself. 

He didnt see me. My deep love,  my strength,  my creativity,  my passion for life. He didnt see my kindness and great compassion for others. He didnt see  my struggle to keep us together, my commitment to him year after year. He didnt see my broken soul and heavy heart. He didnt see me .... Because HE CHOSE .... to look the other way....

                                                                           Im done.

Keep walking

keep walking with me along the path I have chosen for you. Your desire to live close to me is a delight to my heart. Together we will forge a pathway up the high mountain. The journey is arduous at times, and you are weak. Someday you will dance lightfooted on the high peaks; but for now, your walk is often plodding and heavy. All I require of you is to take the next step, clinging to my hand for strength and direction. Though the path is difficult and the scenery is dull at the moment, there are sparkling surprises just around the bend. Stay on the path I have selected for you. It is truly the path of life. 

Love, God.                - paraphrased from the devotional- Jesus Calling-

Onward

Ok, so I got a little distracted, was thrown off, unexpectedly. The pain from the past hit me like an ocean wave, paralyzing me with deep sadness. But my God is bigger then that! My eyes are back on the prize, I am looking forward to the beautiful life God has in store. Thank you friends and family for your prayers. Today, honestly I felt the sadness just lift off. My God is Amazing. Onward.

Broken

                       Broken ... Just broken 

         I know that inside God is restoring my soul. 

                But today... I just feel broken.

 

. . . Just Sad

This is my happy face I have for the world. It's the mask I've worn for a really long time. I've always been able to keep it together when all I wanted to do was fall apart. I know that true happy times are soon to come. But for the past couple weeks its like a faucet has been turned on.....I'm just Saaaad.

Wish

I wish that all your dreams come true. But more then that , I wish you stay true to who you are. I wish you stand by your convictions and speak up for what you believe in. I wish you not only chase your dreams but believe they can come true. I wish you walk by faith and not by sight and know that our God is a big big God. I wish you knew...that Gods dream for our life far surpasses any dream we could have for ourself.

Greatest Fear

I hope that I never succumb to living the mediocre life. I hope to not desire the worldly things that leave me empty. I hope to chase the dreams of my youth and not think inside of a box. I hope to live with abandonment. I hope to push forward always learning and evolving. I hope to dive deep and love with passion.My greatest fear is living only what I know, and not experiencing the life I dream of.

Walk by faith

So when my road is blurry and I cannot see, I have to trust God's leading.

Walk by faith and not by sight - 2 Corinthians 5:7

Better

Is life what we envisioned for ourselves.? It's better. As we grow thru the valleys and mountain tops we come to realize its not the great things that happen that define us it's the curve balls thrown our way and how we handle it. We all bear our crosses of pain and disappointments in life, but how we push onward with resilience, courage and hope. Those are the defining moments.So go on and become the beautiful creature God designed you to be in the midst of your storm. You are better because of it.Gods vision for our lives is so much better.

Princess B & Me

   Princess B and me, we are gonna be just fine. God is our provider.

Pray

Joy to be found

Today as I was pumping gas in the middle of the day, when a cute store caught my eye. As I wondered in I discovered a feast for my eyes. - DELIGHTFUL SURPRISE!

Got into deep conversation with lady behind counter. God... Your name came up.- BLESSING! 

Driving back, sun shining, trees blowing, beauty filling my eyes.Gratitude, for my life, spilling out.- JOY!

There is JOY! JOY to be found in every day. Look for it :)

My journey

Wrecklessly abandoned , Never holding back. 

                  I want to live like that.

A life you're proud of

So Much More

Don’t be afraid to keep moving on,
For what was before, now has gone,
God wants to accomplish so much more,
But we need to move forward in the Lord.
© By M.S. Lowndes, Based on Isaiah 43:18-19

An It Is Well Moment...

Bella and I sat and watched the rain tonight. ...out on the patio.
I don't know exactly what draws my heart towards it when it pours. The smell after a rainstorm. The sound it makes on the rooftops. How it feels on my skin.how it looks and reflects on the streets.It's like music to my heart. Bella feels the same way. We sat together ... In silence.
An ...."it Is Well With My Soul"...Moment"
What makes your soul well?

In the blink of an eye

I was a mom for an instant, and in a blink of an eye it was over. I don't regret it, I was blessed. Blessed to have held them and loved them and tucked them in bed. Blessed to have had the opportunity to make them laugh, see them smile and watch them grow. Blessed to teach, to love and instill. I savored the moments and invested my heart and soul into them, even if they were never going to be mine...I loved them still.